He so doesn't like her
by AliciaPezz
Summary: What happens when Eileen accidentally gets Rigby's attention? rating changed to T now. ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**He so doesn't like her**

"You guys get an hour for lunch. ONE HOUR. If you're not back here by 2, YOU'RE FIRED!"

It was another day at the park and, after dealing with the angry gumball machine they call "boss", Mordecai and Rigby were on their way to the Coffee Shop to get lunch.

"Dude," said the tall Bluejay known as Mordecai, "I'm totally gonna ask Margaret out today."

"Oh come on man," said Rigby the raccoon, looking up at the towering form of his best friend, "You'll never do it, you don't have the balls."

"More balls than you! Have you ever actually been out with a chick?" Mordecai replied, clambering into a golf cart.

"Just shut up and drive," the smaller man said, defeated.

As the coffee shop came in to view, the two boys left their cart and entered the semi-underground, surprisingly empty building.

"Hey Mordecai, hey Rigby," said Margaret, a perky young red Robin.

"H-hey Margaret," Mordecai said nervously, "what's up? This place is like, totally empty."

"Yeah, ever since they started selling coffee at cheezers, business has been really slow."

"Aw man, that sucks."

As the two birds talked, Rigby couldn't help but notice the absence of a certain female Mole. "Hey Margaret, where's Eileen?" he asked, trying to sound casual, but in truth he was worried. It was unlike her to miss her shift.

"She's out back stocking the freezer," Margaret replied, covering for her friends' tardiness.

"Oh," he said, feeling stupid. _Why did I assume that she was gone? And, more importantly, why did I care? _He thought. _Oh crap, I hope Mordecai didn't notice. _Looking over at his friend, he was thankful to see that he was fully engrossed with his crush's cleavage.

At that moment, Eileen walked over carrying coffee and sandwiches. "Hey guys," she said cheerfully, "I brought your usual. I double dipped your sandwich, just like you like it, Rigby."

Looking up at the raccoon, Eileen was surprised to see him looking at her; his usual glare gone, replaced by a look of surprise. "Rigby?"

"U-um, hey Eileen," he uttered, dumbstruck by the sight before him.

"Are you okay? What's the matter?"

"Y-your, your shirt"

"My shirt?" the Mole asked, confused. Looking down, she saw the cause of the Raccoon's odd behavior. In her haste to get to work, she accidentally left her work shirt half unbuttoned, fully exposing her bright red brassiere and putting her small breasts on display for the whole café. "Oh, umm, I gotta go, lots of customers to serve," she said, motioning to the empty room before fleeing to the storeroom.

_Stupid!_ She thought harshly, _I can't believe I just did that! Imagine what everyone thought, especially Rigby! He probably thinks I'm a freak now. I really screwed up._ Oblivious to the fact that no one except Rigby noticed, Eileen continued to pace the storeroom when Margaret walked in.

"Hey," the Robin said happily, "Guess what! Mordecai finally asked me ou-" realizing how scared her small friend was, she stopped mid sentence. "Are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"Oh Margaret, I've just done the stupidest thing!" as she explained what she did, Margaret couldn't help but laugh at her friends' naiveté.

"Eileen, calm down. First of all, no one but Rigby saw. Hell, I was standing right next to you and I didn't notice. Second, I'm pretty sure Rigby liked what he saw."

"What? That's impossible, he doesn't like me!"

"Really?" the taller girl said, pushing Eileen towards the door and into the main room "does that look like the face of someone who's not turned on?"

Looking over at the boys, Eileen noticed that Rigby wasn't paying attention to Mordecai at all. Instead, he was staring ahead of him, a look of shock still etched on his face. But even with his surprised expression, he didn't look his grumpy self. He looked happy, lustful even.

"Turned on? By me? Come on Margaret," she said skeptically, "he's never been interested before, why start now?"

"Maybe it had something to do with the cleavage you stuck under his nose? No man can resist that, not even a man-child like Rigby."

Back in the main room, Mordecai was beginning to get annoyed at Rigby. "Dude, I'm talking to you, are you even listening? Ugh, what are you staring at? RIGBY!"

Snapping out of his trance, Rigby turned to his friend, looking confused.

"Ugh, sick dude!" said Mordecai suddenly, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Huh?" said the Raccoon, "What's sick?"

"Um, I dunno, the boner maybe!"

"WHAT? Oh fuck," Rigby said, looking down at his lap. This was one of those days where he wished he wore pants. "I gotta go!"

Running up the stairs, he heard Mordecai calling "Dude, where are you going? I've got the cart keys!"

Ignoring him, Rigby scampered through the door and stopped at the roadside, thinking to himself.

_Crap, how am I sposed to get back to the park? Ugh, if stupid Eileen didn't forget to button up her freaking shirt. I mean, who forgets something like that? I can't believe that just happened._

Only twice in their 18 year old friendship has Mordecai caught him worked up by a chick like that, the other case being when they were 13 year olds. After that, the pair agreed to wear pants for their teen years. Still, even with his embarrassment, Rigby couldn't help but remember how hot Eileen looked.

Walking down the street towards the park and the wrath of Benson, he let himself shamelessly picture her, how her shirt was open enough to let him see her bright bra, her surprisingly ample cleavage line, and how cute she looked when she realized him staring. _Wait, she caught me. Oh god, I hope she doesn't think this means I like her, because I don't! As if she needs another reason to like me. If she thinks I want her, she'll never leave me alone!_

By the time he made it back, it was half past 2, and Benson was fuming. In addition to picking up rubbish, he was assigned the task of cleaning the house bathroom. "What! I have to do more work just because Mordecai left me to walk home?" he argued to the gumball machine.

"Dude, what? I didn't ditch you," said Mordecai, "You ran off! It wasn't my fault that you couldn't stop staring at Eileen!"

"Shut up!" Rigby replied angrily, "I wasn't staring, I don't even like her!"

"Rigby, it's pretty obvious you like her."

"STOP TALKING!"

That night, an exhausted Rigby crawled onto the squeaky trampoline that was his bed, and fell asleep, still pissed at Mordecai for not helping him clean the bathroom. _Stupid bird, it was his fault and he didn't even help_, he thought arrogantly, drifting off to sleep under his clothes pile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Rigby opened his eyes to see nothing but darkness. "Ugh, where am I? Mordecai?"

"Nope," said a small voice, "just me."

"Who said that?" he said, turning his head back and forth searching for the speaker.

"Who do you think?" the voice enquired. Suddenly it became bright, as if someone had flicked on a light switch, and Rigby found himself standing in his room, with a certain Mole in front of him.

"Eileen," he said, surprised. At least he thought it was Eileen, she looked different. Her hair was down for starters, and rested gently on her collarbone. Her glasses framed her eyes, and magnified their small brown irises. Looking down, Rigby realized she was practically naked, save for a very familiar red lace bra and matching underwear.

Walking forward, she laced her arms around his furry brown neck and rested her forehead on his. Feeling nervous, Rigby froze, staring blankly into her warm eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked, concern clouding her delicate face.

"Y-yea, I'm fine. Its just, what are you doing here? This is my room. You've never even been up here before, and now you just show up in your underwear?"

"What are you talking about? This is my room, too."

"It is?"

"Well duh, I'm your girlfriend aren't I?" she asked smiling at her lover's confused look.

"Yeah," he replied, leaning in for a kiss, "I guess you are…"

Meanwhile, Mordecai sat up in his bed, peering over at his sleeping friends form. Awoken by his nocturnal mutterings, he watched Rigby, toss and turn, a smile on his usually angry face. _What is he on about?_ The Bluejay thought. Getting up, he slowly creeped over to the squeaky trampoline, and did his best to understand his friend.

Amongst the useless rambling and nonsensical noise, Mordecai managed to make out one word, "E-Eileen."

Realizing what his friend was dreaming about, the tall man smiled, thinking; _yeah, you totally don't like her dude, _and went downstairs to get breakfast.

Later that day, Mordecai and Rigby were set to clean the fountain.

"It's your turn to start the hose," said Rigby.

"Dude, come on, I don't have lips! How the H am I sposed to do it!"

"Not my problem dude, plus you still owe me for yesterday."

"I don't owe you anything, you left! Just do it already before Benson catches us slacking."

"Ugh, fine," the raccoon groaned, walking over to the hose and throwing an end into the water.

As he raised his lips to it, Mordecai chuckled to himself.

"What?" Rigby asked angrily.

"Oh, nothing dude," the bird replied, trying his best to keep a straight face.

"What? Tell me!" he said, dropping the hose and punching his taller friend uselessly.

"I bet you wish that hose is Eileen!" he finally blurted out, giving in and laughing at the fuming raccoon.

"Dude, SHUT IT! I don't even like her!"

"Well, you didn't seem to mind last night, WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA!" he said, running around in his trademark mocking pose.

"STOP TALKING!"

While the two argued, Benson walked over, anger already apparent in his red glass dome. "What are you two slackers doing, and why isn't the fountain clean yet?" he shouted at the pair.

"Sorry Benson," said Mordecai, looking over at Rigby "but SOME of us are distracted."

"You're the one who's distracted!"

"Oh why don't you go cry to Eileen!"

"SHUT UP!'

"Quit talking about your girlfriend and DO YOUR JOB!" yelled Benson, fully enraged now.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Rigby shouted back, scurrying away towards town, "I DON'T LIKE HER!"

"Did I hit a nerve?" asked Benson, amused.

"Nah," replied Mordecai, "That idiot will figure it out sooner or later."

Hey guys, sorry for the short chapter, but I'm planning to post one a day anyway. Great to see reviews, and if you have any ideas as to where the story should go, please share them! x


	3. Chapter 3

**He so doesn't like her chapter 3**

The next couple of days at the park were quiet, surprisingly. Rigby's anger melted away slowly, and the two best friends soon fell back into their basic routine.

"Come on dude," said Rigby one night, "just one game, you've got plenty of time!"

"Rigby, for the last time, no! I can't be late for this date, do you know how hard it was to ask Margaret out in the first place?"

"Mordecai, its just one game! Margaret can't wait for ten minutes?"

"Ugh, you don't understand dude. Now quit blocking the door so I can go!"

Moving away from the front door, Rigby watched the Bluejay climb into the nearest golf cart and drive off.

Later that night, a sleeping Rigby was woken by the sound of his friend clambering up the stairs and noisily entering their bedroom. "Dude," he said sleepily, "what happened? Did you strike out?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Mordecai replied grumpily. The date had gone quite well actually. The first half, anyway.

"Hah, I knew you'd screw it up," said Rigby, now fully awake, "because you're crap with the ladies"

"Dude, I am not! I even got a second date!"

"Then what are you complaining about?"

"Because of you, I forgot my wallet and she had to pay!"

"Wow, that's pretty bad. But like it mattered, you wouldn't have gotten any anyway, cos you're still bad with the ladies."

"Aw what! I'm better than you!"

"Are not!"

"Am so!"

"At least I can talk to chicks!"

"Like that matters. You could never get a girl!"

"Care to make a wager?" said the smaller man, grinning.

"What kind of wager?" asked Mordecai, already forgetting their argument.

"First one to get laid wins."

"Deal," said Mordecai, "Dude, I'm so gonna win, you don't even have a girlfriend!"

"Neither do you!" argued Rigby.

"At least I've got Margaret, who have you got?"

"Eileen!" after the words left his mouth, Rigby realized his mistake. "No, wait, I didn't mean-"

"Ha!" interrupted Mordecai, "I knew you like her!"

"Shut up shut up shut up!"

"Whatever dude, a chick like Eileen wouldn't put out anyway"

"I don't care, I do not like her!"

"What? You just said you did!"

"Well, I'm tired! Just go to bed already so I can sleep!"

"Hm, yeah, right," said the Bluejay, climbing into his bed. "Goodnight Rigby."

"Night."

_Ugh, _thought Rigby as he clambered underneath his clothes pile, _why did I make that stupid wager? Mordecai's right, Eileen won't put out, and even if she did, how can I win without admitting that I like her? _As he drifted off to sleep, Rigby decided that if he was gonna beat Mordecai, he'd have to do something drastic

The next day was Saturday, so Mordecai and Rigby went to the coffee shop for a drink.

"Hey guys," said Margaret as they entered the underground café.

"Hey Margaret," they said in unison, sitting down at their usual table.

"So I had fun last night," said the perky Robin," I cant wait for the movies today, we can go right after my shift.

"Hehe, yea," said Mordecai nervously, "and this time I promise I'll bring my wallet"

As the two laughed uncomfortably at the Bluejay's jokes, Eileen walked over with their coffee. "Hey Rigby," she said, setting her tray on the table.

"Hey Eileen." _okay dude, _thought Rigby. _Be cool, you don't wanna end up like Mordecai. _Giving a sideways glance to make sure Mordecai wasn't paying attention, he looked back at Eileen. Swallowing hard, he looked into her small brown eyes. _Man her eyes are awesome. _

"Rigby, are you okay? You haven't said anything for a while. Did I leave my shirt open again?" panicking, Eileen looked down to find her shirt fully buttoned.

"No, it's not that. It's just… did you wanna come over tonight? You know, to play video games and stuff." Rigby spoke quickly, making sure Mordecai didn't hear him, and waited for her reply.

"Oh wow," said Eileen excitedly, "I'd love to Rigby, I'll come over at 7. You know, while Mordecai and Margaret are out."

Walking back to the kitchen, Eileen couldn't contain her excitement. "Margaret," she squealed, "Margaret guess what!"

"Woah, calm down Eileen, what's up?"

"Rigby just asked me out!"

"What? Are you serious? That's great! You see, I told you he liked you!"

"Yeah," the mole said, frowning suddenly. "At least, I think he asked me out."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he just invited me to the park to play video games, but I suppose that's his idea of a date."

"See? You've got nothing to worry about. He likes you, so go get him!"

"Haha, yeah, you're right. Thanks Margaret, I gotta go get ready!"

"But wait!" the bird called to her fleeing friend, "Your shift isn't over yet! Oh Rigby," she said to herself. "You better not let her down tonight."

"Okay," she said, walking over to Mordecai, "my shifts over. Ready to go?

"Hell yea I am!" the bird said with his usual fervor. "Lets go! See ya later Rigby."

"Bye dude," said Rigby, watching the two birds leave. _Oh crap, _he thought, _it's nearly 7. I better move my ass, I am not losing this bet._

By the time Rigby made it back to the park, it was ten to 7, and the raccoon was starting to panic. Running into the house, he was surprised to see Benson and Pops watching T.V.

"Oh crap," he said, "Benson dude, you can't be here!"

"What are you talking about?" asked the gumball machine.

"Yes Rigby," said Pops, "what has you upset?"

"It doesn't matter, you guys have got to go! Its nearly 7!"

"What's happening at 7?" yelled Benson, "what did you do this time?"

"Eileen's coming over, and you can't be here!"

"Pfft, yeah, like you could get a girl to come here voluntarily. Just tell me the truth Rigby."

"But I AM telling the truth! Eileen will be here in ten minutes and I can't have you two around messing up my game!"

"I'm sorry Rigby, but we're not going anywhere. If you wanna hang out with your little girlfriend, you'll have to do it at her house."

"UGGGH!" yelled Rigby, running out the door only to bump headfirst into Eileen. "Oh, Eileen! I'm sorry, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, really," she said, rubbing her forehead, "Is everything okay?"

"Bensons being an ass. Do you mind if we go to your house? I can bring my console."

"That's okay, I've got one too," She said smiling. "Lets go."

They talked all the way to Eileen's apartment, laughing at the news reporter on the radio and talking about the latest video game release. Smiling, Rigby realized how comfortable he felt around her._ Maybe this won't be so bad after all._

"Well, this is my apartment." Eileen announced, snapping Rigby out of his thoughts and back to the matter at hand. Eileen's apartment was nothing special. It was small; probably four rooms maximum, and the walls were crowded with pictures.

"I'll get you a drink. The games are in that cupboard over there," said Eileen, leaving to get Rigby a glass of soda.

Walking over to the far wall and the old, freestanding cupboard, Rigby couldn't help but look at the framed photographs displayed on every surface. Picking up one, he looked at the happy faces shown on the tiny Polaroid. The photo was of Margaret and Eileen, standing in front of a building he didn't recognize. _Man, _he thought, _Eileen is freaking hot, even with her glasses on. _Setting down the picture, he opened the cupboard and dragged out a copy of 'Karate Choppers'.

"I'm back," said the Mole, holding a glass of soda for the shorter mammal, "Did you find the game?"

"Yeah," he said, taking the glass and sitting on her couch. "Lets play."

As the hours passed, Rigby soon forgot about the bet, and enjoyed playing against Eileen. "Double death combo, WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!" he yelled happily.

Eileen giggled, causing Rigby to stop playing and look at her face. Swallowing hard, he put down his controller and scooted closer to her, nervously putting his hand on her leg. "Eileen?" he said

"Yes Rigby?"

"I, um, I…" he stuttered. _Ugh, why is this so hard? I talk to her all the time, so why should this be any different? Screw it, she's practically in love with me anyway, I'm going for it._

"Rigby, are you oka-" Eileen was silenced by Rigby's lips pressed up against hers. Shocked, she stayed frozen for a while, before finally kissing back. Pulling away for air, Rigby opened his dark eyes and looked into her small ones.

"Eileen, I'm sorry for being such an ass all the time. I don't hate you, really."

"I don't care," she said, with confidence she never knew she had, "I knew you liked me."

Sinking down onto the couch, Eileen on top of the shorter raccoon, they fell into a deeper kiss. The mole ran her tiny hands through his short brown hair, making sure to trace the entire length of his bushy tail. Shivering, he sat her up, tugging her shirt over her head and looking lustfully at her small frame. _Of course, _he thought,_ she had to be wearing THAT bra._ Clumsily, he reached behind her, fumbling with the red clasp.

Giggling, she helped him undo it and slipped it off. Rigby stared at her perfect body, running his hands over her flat stomach and up to her small, perky breasts. _What do I do? _He thought. Sure, Rigby claims to have gotten some action in his teen years, but after he dropped out of high school he didn't get the chance to talk to girls, let alone date them.

Sensing his hesitation, Eileen pulled him closer, resting her hands on his chest and grinding gently against him. "E-Eileen," he moaned, D-do you wanna go to your bedroom?"

Without answering him, she got up, took his hand, and gently led him to the next room.

Hey guys! sorry for the VERY late update, but I suffered from some serious writers block. I know, this story is NOT living up to its M rating, but I simply cannot write smut! sorry if you were expecting more, but thats as graphic as this stories gonna get. next chapter should be up in a few days, so please don't lose interest people! x


	4. Chapter 4

**He so doesn't like her chapter 4**

Rigby was woken the next morning by the unfamiliar sound of an alarm. "Huh?" he said sleepily, "Mordecai, what the hell is that? Turn it off." Looking around, he realized that he wasn't at home at all. _Oh yeah, _he thought to himself, _Eileen's house._

Eileen stirred next to him, rolling over and putting a hand on the raccoon's furry chest. Rigby tensed at the contact, before remembering the events of last night. _I guess it doesn't matter anymore_, he thought, chuckling to himself. Carefully reaching over the mole's small frame, he hit snooze, wrapped his arms around her and fell back asleep.

"Dude, where were you?" said Mordecai as Rigby walked through the door to the park house, "It's nearly 4PM. You wasted our whole Sunday!"

"I," he replied smugly, "was at Eileen's, and I won the bet!"

"What? Dude, that's impossible! There is no way you got laid before me. You probably spent the night in a dumpster somewhere."

"Suck it up man, I won and yooouu lost. WHOOOOOOOAH!" he yelled happily.

"Prove it."

"Fine, lets go find Eileen."

"Tomorrow dude," said the Bluejay, sitting down and picking up a controller, "the coffee shop's closed for the day, lets just play Strong Johns."

* * *

The next day, Mordecai and Rigby left early (to avoid Benson's heavy workload) and drove to the coffee shop to settle their bet.

"Hey guys, you're here early," chirped Margaret, "what's up?"

"Hey Margaret," said Rigby, "Where's Eileen?"

"She's off today."

"Aw what? Now how are we gonna settle this?" Rigby whined.

"Settle what?" the Robin inquired.

Ignoring Mordecai's frantic hand gesturing and desperate tries to silence the idiotic raccoon, Rigby told her about the bet and how Mordecai didn't believe he had won.

"What?" Margaret snapped, "Rigby, how could you do that to her?!"

"Do what?" he asked, shocked at the bird's sudden mood change.

"Use her like that! She really likes you Rigby, and all she is to you is a tool to win crappy bets with Mordecai! If she finds out about this, she's never gonna speak to you again! And speaking of Mordecai," she said, focusing her attention to the scared Bluejay, "This better not happen again."

"Please don't tell Eileen," Rigby said, panicked, "It wasn't like that, and I didn't use her I swear!"

"Whatever," Margaret said as she walked away to serve other customers, "Just don't toy with her again."

After she was out of earshot, Mordecai turned to his friend. "Dude, I still don't believe you."

"UGGHH!" Rigby yelled, "Whatever dude, I'm going home."

Walking down the street gave Rigby time to think about what Margaret had said. _Did I really use her? No, _he decided, _I didn't. It's not like I don't like her, all I did was give her what she wanted. I think. _Still not convinced, the raccoon decided to go to her apartment and ask her himself.

It didn't take long before the small apartment block came into view. Crossing the street and entering the small courtyard, Rigby casually approached her door and knocked loudly.

"Coming," said a voice from inside. Opening the door, Eileen was shocked to see Rigby, standing nervously on her doorstep. "Hey Rigby, what's up?"

"Hey Eileen, can I come inside?"

"Yeah, sure," the mole said curiously. _Oh god, _she thought, _what did I do? I knew I shouldn't have slept with him so soon. He's freaked out for sure._ Doing her best to hide her fears, she let the raccoon inside and closed the door behind her. "Is everything okay?" she asked, concerned.

"I didn't use you, okay?" he said suddenly.

"What?" replied Eileen, surprised by his obvious guilt, "I didn't say you did."

"Well Margaret did. She said that I was just using you to win the bet."

"What bet?" She said, starting to grow suspicious.

"Oh crap," he said quickly, realizing his mistake, "No bet, don't worry about it."

"Rigby," she said sternly, "what bet?"

"Well, umm…you see-"

"RIGBY!"

"Me and Mordecai had a bet to see who could get laid first," he said in his familiar monotone.

"Oh…" she said, taken aback. "Rigby, how could you do that? I thought you liked me."

"I do!" he said defensively.

"Then why did you use me like that?"

"I said I didn't use you! I really do like you, it was just a coincidence!"

"I don't believe you. Just leave." She said sadly, opening the door and ushering him out."

"But Eileen!" he managed to say before she shut the door roughly. _Fuck, now look what you did! There's no way she's gonna talk to you now, you moron. Figures, the first chick that actually likes you now can't stand you. Idiot._

* * *

Two weeks passed before Rigby saw Eileen again. It was a lazy Saturday, and the two friends were headed to the coffee shop.

"Dude, do we have to go?" whined Rigby, "Eileen's working today."

"Rigby, you have to see her again sooner or later. Besides, I wanna see Margaret! Just because your love life's screwed up doesn't mean mine has to be, too."

"Ugh, fine. But you have to admit that I did her."

"Dude, let it go! There is absolutely no way that she would screw you! Come on," the bird said, opening the café door for Rigby, "I'll buy you a coffee."

Sitting down, Rigby looked around until he spotted the mole behind the counter.

"Hey Margaret," said Mordecai to the beaming red bird. "Ready for tonight?"

"Hell, yeah I am!"

"And maybe later, we can go to my place to play some 'games?'" she said with a wink, rendering Mordecai speechless.

Scoffing at his awkward friend, Rigby was surprised to see Eileen walking over to his table.

"Hey Rigby," she said.

"H-hey Eileen," said, still amazed that she was talking to him again. "What's up?"

"I need to talk to you. You know, privately."

"Yeah, sure," he said, letting her lead him into the storeroom. "What's wrong?"

"I, um… I'm-I'm…"

"Eileen," Rigby interrupted, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to piss you off, I just wasn't thinking, I swear."

"No Rigby," she said, smiling at his apology, "It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

Back in the coffee shop, Mordecai turned his attention away from Margaret long enough to notice Rigby walking in, a shocked look on his face. He walked back without saying a word, and sat on his regular stool.

"Dude," the bird said, concerned, "What's up? What did Eileen want?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," He said, staring ahead at the wall in front of him.

"Come on man, just tell me! It can't be that bad."

"She's pregnant, dude."

"Oh," Mordecai said after a long moment of silence, "now I believe you."

* * *

Oh my god you guys, Drama bomb! XD

That's actually the whole reason I wrote the story. I can't help but feel that pregnancy is the kind of thing the show could get away with, and who's a better pair to face the hilarity than Rigleen? I might end the story here, but if you guys want me to keep going with it, please tell me! And I love it when you review, so please do that too! x


	5. Chapter 5

**He so doesn't like her chapter 5**

hey guys, sorry this took so long, please don't lose interest!

* * *

"So, what dude?" said Mordecai to a distraught Rigby, "are you happy about this?"

"Of course I'm not!" he said angrily, "I don't want any stupid kid dragging me down! Dude, I'm only 23, I can't have babies!"

"Calm down man, its not that bad!"

"Yes it is! If Eileen has this kid, my life's screwed!"

"Quit being such a sook. It's your own fault anyway! Haven't you heard of a condom?"

"Of course I have, and I am not sooking!"

"Well then why didn't you use one?"

"Dude, do you know how embarrassing those things are to buy? I'm not having a store full of weirdoes watching me!"

"Whatever dude. You better not ditch her."

"Ditch who?"

"Eileen! Idiot..."

"What?" the raccoon said incredulously, "I'm not gonna ditch her!"

"Then what are you gonna do?"

"I don't know…"

"Dude, you should go talk to her. She's probably as freaked as you are."

"Shut up shut up shut up!" Rigby yelled, running up the stairs and making for the cart.

"Rigby!" Mordecai yelled after him. "Ugh, you idiot, now how am I getting home?"

After getting a ride back to the park from Margaret, Mordecai entered the shared bedroom and found Rigby huddled underneath his dirty clothes pile.

"Rigby, get out here now."

"Rigby's not home right now," he said, sniffling.

"RIGBY!" the bird yelled impatiently. "Stop being such a sook! I know this isn't ideal, but Eileens having these babies whether you like it or not!"

"BABIES?" he shouted, jumping out from beneath his bed covering. "You mean there's more than one?!"

"Well, yeah," Mordecai said, a little calmer than before, "you're a Raccoon aren't you? Don't they have like, 3 or 4 kids at once?"

"I didn't know that! How come I was born alone?"

"Freak accident?"

"STOP TALKING!"

"Ugh, Rigby! You need to go see Eileen."

"Why?"

"Because she's been calling you for ages!"

"No she hasn't, I've got my phone right here."

"Dude, that's my phone! You must've grabbed the wrong one."

"Well," Rigby said, getting up, "Gimme!"

Mordecai handed the phone over, and Rigby saw that Eileen had indeed tried to call him several times.

"You see dude? Said Mordecai, "You need to go see her."

"Alright alright!" the raccoon snapped, finally caving, "I'm going already. Tell Benson I'm taking time off."

"Cya man."

Meanwhile, at Eileen's apartment, the small mole was on the phone to an angry Margaret.

"Ugh," said the disgruntled Robin, "I knew he would do this. He hasn't returned any of your calls?"

"No," said Eileen sadly, "He hasn't. But it's only been an hour since I told him, he needs time."

"I suppose, I mean, it is Rigby after all. Don't worry Eileen, he may act like an immature jerk, but we both know that he has some decency."

"I know. I've gotta go, there's someone at the door. Bye, see you tomorrow." Setting the phone down, Eileen answered the knocking at the door. "Just a second!" she called to the mystery guest.

Opening the door, she was surprised to see Rigby standing awkwardly on her porch. "Oh, hi Rigby!" she said happily, glad that he hadn't bailed. "Come inside, we need to talk about some things."

The raccoon walked silently over to Eileen's small couch and sat down, Eileen sitting next to him.

"So…" he said uncomfortably, "are you still pregnant?"

"Yes," she said patiently, "I am."

"Are you sure?"

"Rigby!"

"Sorry, sorry," he said quickly. "So…what do we do now?"

"Well, I guess we need to organize some things."

"like what?"

"Like where are we going to live? You can't stay here, this is a singles community. That means no boyfriends and no children. And we can't afford a place of our own."

"I suppose I could ask Benson if you can live with me, but the guy's an ass! He'll turn me down flat!"

"Well we don't have that many options."

"Do we have to choose now?" Rigby whined, "We've got like, 9 months don't we?"

"No Rigby, that's human pregnancies."

"Well then, how long do we have? 7,8 months?"

"Just one."

"ONE?! What kind of pregnancy takes 4 weeks?!"

"It's actually 6 weeks, and didn't you learn anything in high school?"

"I dropped out…" he said shamefully.

"Oh, sorry. Well, you better go ask Benson so we can start getting ready."

"Why do I have to ask?"

"Because I've never met him. I can't go ask a favor from a stranger!"

"Ugh, do I have to?"

"Please Rigby?" she said sadly, puppy dog eyes glistening at him.

"Fine, I'll go later. But for now," he said slyly, puling the mole into his weak arms, "I think we deserve a break"

* * *

okay, so I know this is really short, but I am completely stuck as to where the story should go! until i figure it out, I'm putting this story on hiatus, and suggestions are welcome! x


End file.
